Misadventures of the Misavengers
by SexyHandsPhantom
Summary: What happens when three different characters get placed in really unusual events and dialogue? THE MISAVENGERS ARE BORN! Join the moody, depressed Loki, his girly blonde brother Thor, and the somewhat sensible Iron Man as they learn about friendship in a style that doesn't involve magical ponies.


Misadventures of the Misavengers: Chapter One

"The Mischief Behind Toasted Bread"

Key: Loki (VertrudeMcScuttle), Thor (FullmetalTobi), Iron Man (EpicAwesomeness)

Disclaimer: This fanfic is purely intended for humor, and does not directly follow the plot or characters of Marvel's "The Avengers." Enjoy~

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(It was an average day in New York City. Terror wrecking the streets, aliens and frost giants destroying things. Godzilla blasting people with his atomic breath...man, this was the life! Loki sat on a rooftop, calmly sipping lemonade whilst wearing pretty awesome sunglasses, and hoping to get tan.)

Loki: _Mmm, soaking up thine Earthly blazing orb of gas upon the whim of the universe, hoping fort thou cream skin to mingle with the sun's rays and deftly stain to a golden brown..._

(Thor enters being awesome...duh)

Thor: **BROTHER! I HAVE COME TO JOIN YOU AND THE PUNY MIDGARDIAN SUN UPON THE BALCONY OF THE MAN OF -RED- IRON!**

(Loki looks up, utterly annoyed)

Loki: _GO AWAY, BROTHER, NO ONE LIKES YOU AND YOUR GIRLISH LOCKS OF BLONDE. I HAVE TO GET THINE TAN BEFORETH I AM DOOMED TO APPEAR AS AN UNCOOKED, NUDE TOAST BREAD._

Thor: **YOU DO NOT LOOK AS NUDE TOAST BREAD! YOU ARE SIMPLY A FROST GIANT AND CANNOT APPEAR ANY PALER THAN THE SNOW FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!**

(Thor slaps Loki heartily on the back and laughs, throwing himself onto the ground and creating a crater in the roof, making quite a nice seat. Loki silently weeps in agony.)

(Iron Man enters with his awesomeness, blocking the sun's warming rays and raising his faceplate.)

Iron Man: _**Uh, Hi. Want to tell me why the Dynamic Duo are making craters on my roof and destroying the city? Oh, By the way Point Break, you don't get any pop tarts for disturbing my beauty sleep because you couldn't figure out how to work a toaster. **_

(Iron Man crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow.)

Thor: **GREETINGS MAN OF -RED- IRON! DO YOU WISH TO JOIN US IN OUR SOAKING IN OF YOUR WEAK MIDGARDIAN SUN?**

Iron Man: _**Uh, no. My skin burns too easily and I have work to do anyway since I'm awake. By the way what is Loki, God of kittens, doing here? I thought he was in Asgardian Jail or something. Was he let out for good behavior? 'Cause I seriously doubt it. **_

(Thor goes immobile, staring blankly ahead as if a computer droid.)

Loki: _Oh, just leave me alone for heaven's sake...I wanted to get thine tan and then go get shawarma or something…_

(Loki pouts, pulling out his sun reflector and putting back on his sunglasses, before returning to relax on his beach chair. At the same time, Godzilla looks at the building, shrugs, and then pulls out a large piece of toast and blasts it, cooking it to perfection. Loki growls in frustration.)

Loki: _YOU THERE, YOU BIG FAT SHOWOFF! DOEST THOU THINKETH THEMSELVES BETTER THAN I, WITH YOUR ABILITY TO BLAST TOAST INTO A CRISP, FINE COLOR!? STUPID OAF, I SHALL TERMINATE YOU!_

(Iron Man shook his head and sliced Godzilla's head clean off with his laser. He turned toward Loki and lowered the power of his repulsors before he shot Loki with a wide beam. He smirked at Loki after he was finished.)

Iron Man: _**Are you happy now, your tanned-ness?**_

Loki: _No. No I am not._

Iron Man: _**Sure you aren't. And why, may I ask, not?**_

(Loki turns and begins to weep again, realizing now his skin was paler than before, and begins rocking back and forth like a toddler.)

Loki: _Why is it that I never win at anything? UGHHH _

(Loki begins to gather his things and starts storming off, but not before throwing a boulder at the decapitated corpse of Godzilla)

Iron Man:_** J.A.R.V.I.S.? WTF?**_ **And why the hell are you just standing idly by while all this happens, Thor?**

Loki: _My brother can do as he wishes, since HE gets the blasted throne while I get to be his little spare, don't I, brother!?_

(Loki throws a brick at the inanimate Thor, who still doesn't budge, and then flops down on his bum in ignorance, before falling dramatically on his back)

Loki: _Oh boo, I just can never get anything right, can I? If only Marvel would make an alternate universe where I take my name out of the Book of Hel, get reincarnated into a 12 year old boy and then make myself a good person, whilst my evil counterpart becomes a bird that inevitably gets eaten by my reincarnation in a rather sickening plot twist to combine us into one. But it will never happen, because Marvel hasn't thought of that yet, has it?_

(Iron Man starts shaking for no reason and a panicked Tony Stark orders JARVIS to open the suit. It opens and Tony falls out, struggling to breathe.)

(Loki eyes Iron Man suspiciously, raising an eyebrow.)

Loki: _Um, are you about to die or something Man of Red Iron, or is this some sort of twisted joke about my paleness and weakness?_

(Tony turns to lay on his back and lifts his shirt, exposing the flickering Arc Reactor underneath.)

Tony: _**I wish it... was Loki. Just give me... A second.**_

Loki: _Okay. One second, two second, three second, four second…_

(Loki dawdles about, almost in a maniac, blank way, counting every second it takes Tony to fix the Arc Reactor.)

(Tony twists the Reactor until it clicks and he pulls it out, revealing the gaping hole it covers. He reaches in and gasps, accidentally touching the wall with an exposed copper wire. He pulls out the wire and screams before quickly putting the Reactor back and twists it back into place.)

Tony: _**Thank you for nothing you useless reptile. Thank you for giving a freaking Cardiac Arrest!**_

Loki: _Um. Alright then, it took you twenty minutes to fix that. IM GUD COUNTING RITE LOL_

Tony: _**Suit failure. To much energy output shorted out the wire, causing the Reactor to malfunction, which also caused me to go into Cardiac Arrest. I'm fine now though. Twenty minutes**_?_** Not my best but, whatcha gonna do?**_

(Loki walks forward, pokes Thor's eyeball, and realizes his brother has not flinched or moved or really done anything at all.)

Loki: _I think our main concern at the moment would be dealing with this mewling quim here. Thor? Brother? Are you alive?_

(Loki turns to Tony, looking suddenly a bit concerned, but then mischief crosses his face.)  
Loki: _Can I kill him? PLEASSSSE?_

(Tony stands and walks over to where Thor and Loki are standing.)

Tony: _**First off, no. But we can pull an amazing prank though!**_

Loki: _For once, I can say, I am actually interested in your plan. However if we're driving any vehicles I call pilot._

(Tony and Loki travel away from Thor just in case he could hear them.)

Tony: _**I don't think we would need to and there isn't really a vehicle Thor wouldn't catch up to but, maybe we could do something involving you being evil and me being the 'damsel in distress'. or the other way around if you prefer.**_

(Loki pouts)

Loki: _Thor wouldn't buy that either…or would he? He is rather stubborn. Try putting up for him for all thousand Asgardian years…_

Tony: _**Or we could dye his hair, cape, and Mjolnier pink.**_

(Loki grins in a mischievous manner, his eyes glowing Frost Giant red)

Loki: _Or how about we freeze his hair into a Justin Bieber bowl?_

Tony: _**Oh my god you devious devil!**_

Loki: _Don't say that it isn't bloody brilliant._

Tony: _**Should we add salt to the wound and make his voice sound higher like Justin Bieber? I've invented an undetectable voice changer we could use. **_

Loki: _Do you mean with helium? I spent a little time watching these Midgardians through windows and saw some use this magical pump filled with "helium"._

Tony: _**Well, maybe. But that's not the point. The point is it works. **_

(Loki snickers)

Loki: _Well perhaps so...when do we begin?_

Tony: ASAP. We don't know how long we have before he comes back to the real world.

Loki:_ Of course then. So, do I get to freeze thou's hair or what?_

Tony: _**Knock yourself out. I'll get the Helium. **_

(Loki's eyes glow brighter as he triumphantly laughs, moving towards Thor with a sadistic grin)

Loki: _My dear, pathetic brother, is this ever going to be so amusing…_

_**END OF CHAPTER ONE**_


End file.
